Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Repair the Broken Heart
It’s been 10 months since my heart was broken and shattered into the pieces I thought could never glue back together.
Time truly heals everything but I will be honest. A person must go through the grieving, the pain, the suffering, and the sorrow. A person MUST go through all of that in order to heal.
I won’t go over the history and details of my relationship as I respect that individual’s life and privacy. All I can say was it was a great relationship and a loving one. The down fall was we were young lovers.
I know there are some of you out there are still gluing the pieces together whether alone or with a new lover. It is not easy.
You may think it is unfair for the new person who has walked into your life. I would have to say BE HONEST with this person. However YOU DO NOT HAVE to tell them every single past detail of your past love. Let them know constantly how grateful you are to have this person walk into your life and always... ALWAYS! Give thanks to their effort on healing your broken heart.
I walked into the relationship at a very young age. I was innocent and pure. I had no male friends after entering this relationship. I tried to be as faithful as possible. You could say I would be a great wife. However I was constantly growing and changing. My dreams and vision changed. I wanted individuality and an identity.
I was brought up in a traditional asian family. The females in these types of family were to be the supporter. The females were the house wives that lacked personality and colour. I didn’t want that. I feared of ending up like my mother. I indeed would have been a great house wife. I cooked, I cleaned, I sang.
I was trained at a very young age to be a good housewife. I didn’t really get to build my own character. I was not allowed to speak my mind and thoughts. I was to be lady like and be QUIET.
In my previous relationship I was a feminist because I wanted to do whatever I could to not end up like my mother. I tried not to be but I wanted to be this strong individual that wanted to conquer all. I had this stubborn vision and image of myself that I am strong and NOTHING can stop me and my path. I would win it all with success and my love next to me. I was blinded.
I thought I was the best partner a person could have.
It took me many nights searching for answers. SO if I had to give thanks to this healing process I would say thank god for Helium, Google and the new love that walked in. I typed in key words such as “healing from broken hearts”. I read and read. I searched and searched. I was constantly looking for answers and HOPE.
After all that investigation I came to an understanding. I came to an understanding that heartbreak is part of life. I understood why things happened and that there is no one to blame.
While I was trying to sustain a relationship financially, I was not giving any input emotionally.
There was no balance in my life; however I don’t blame anyone. This is a process I must take to grow and adapt.
Many of us who suffer a heart break will only think emotionally. How can we ever see clearly and think clearly when our vision and feelings is covered with a blanket of clouds?
YOU can’t! Love is a drug and we are addicts. So until we sober up we can then think logically and rationally.
When you first put the blame on a person due to infidelity or lost of love. We tend to first put the blame on the ex lover. We point out their flaws. We point out the things they did wrong. All we do was point because that was all we know and that was all that made sense.
In order for one to live happily you must be able to forgive. You do not have to forget, but you must forgive.
You must ask yourself. How did this happen? What did I do or what I didn’t do?
I didn’t value myself. I didn’t value my dreams and goals. I didn’t know how to balance myself. I couldn’t handle my emotions. I didn’t love myself enough to be able to love the other person.
With that lack of understanding your feeling you will not be able to control the outcome and history and habits will repeat itself.
So I no longer ask god why I was punished. Why such an innocent person like me with such a giving soul and heart was punished? Why did god take away my happiness and light?
I would have to look at it as god was freeing me. God was setting me free to give me clarity of my flaws and to be more understanding to the world more than ever before.
God was letting me know I must LOVE thy self. Love myself like I never loved anyone before.
So when a new love comes the best gift I can ever give that person is my confidence in me and my abilities. That won’t come until I accepted myself and Love thy self.
In the end to heal from a broken heart and move on you need to do these steps.
They are not in order.
There is no deadline on how long It takes a person to heal.
The main priority is you know you need to heal and you are making an effort.
1: stop pointing fingers
2: do whatever it is you need to do to find answers to your questions
3: DO NOT CONTACT YOU EX WHILE HEALING. REPEAT DO NOT!
4: express yourself. Through a blog or painting, cooking, singing
5: do exciting hobbies
6: help others who are suffering. You will learn to realize that there are people out there that have it worse than you.
7: reflect. What did you do and didn’t do?
8: love yourself. Inside and out.
9: stop wearing that mask of yours and for once JUST ASK FOR HELP
10: TALK to someone go on blogs and forums.
11: talk to a friend who came back from a broken heart=)
12: write down who you are as a person and the things that you enjoy excluding your ex lover.
Time truly heals everything but I will be honest. A person must go through the grieving, the pain, the suffering, and the sorrow. A person MUST go through all of that in order to heal.
I won’t go over the history and details of my relationship as I respect that individual’s life and privacy. All I can say was it was a great relationship and a loving one. The down fall was we were young lovers.
I know there are some of you out there are still gluing the pieces together whether alone or with a new lover. It is not easy.
You may think it is unfair for the new person who has walked into your life. I would have to say BE HONEST with this person. However YOU DO NOT HAVE to tell them every single past detail of your past love. Let them know constantly how grateful you are to have this person walk into your life and always... ALWAYS! Give thanks to their effort on healing your broken heart.
I walked into the relationship at a very young age. I was innocent and pure. I had no male friends after entering this relationship. I tried to be as faithful as possible. You could say I would be a great wife. However I was constantly growing and changing. My dreams and vision changed. I wanted individuality and an identity.
I was brought up in a traditional asian family. The females in these types of family were to be the supporter. The females were the house wives that lacked personality and colour. I didn’t want that. I feared of ending up like my mother. I indeed would have been a great house wife. I cooked, I cleaned, I sang.
I was trained at a very young age to be a good housewife. I didn’t really get to build my own character. I was not allowed to speak my mind and thoughts. I was to be lady like and be QUIET.
In my previous relationship I was a feminist because I wanted to do whatever I could to not end up like my mother. I tried not to be but I wanted to be this strong individual that wanted to conquer all. I had this stubborn vision and image of myself that I am strong and NOTHING can stop me and my path. I would win it all with success and my love next to me. I was blinded.
I thought I was the best partner a person could have.
It took me many nights searching for answers. SO if I had to give thanks to this healing process I would say thank god for Helium, Google and the new love that walked in. I typed in key words such as “healing from broken hearts”. I read and read. I searched and searched. I was constantly looking for answers and HOPE.
After all that investigation I came to an understanding. I came to an understanding that heartbreak is part of life. I understood why things happened and that there is no one to blame.
While I was trying to sustain a relationship financially, I was not giving any input emotionally.
There was no balance in my life; however I don’t blame anyone. This is a process I must take to grow and adapt.
Many of us who suffer a heart break will only think emotionally. How can we ever see clearly and think clearly when our vision and feelings is covered with a blanket of clouds?
YOU can’t! Love is a drug and we are addicts. So until we sober up we can then think logically and rationally.
When you first put the blame on a person due to infidelity or lost of love. We tend to first put the blame on the ex lover. We point out their flaws. We point out the things they did wrong. All we do was point because that was all we know and that was all that made sense.
In order for one to live happily you must be able to forgive. You do not have to forget, but you must forgive.
You must ask yourself. How did this happen? What did I do or what I didn’t do?
I didn’t value myself. I didn’t value my dreams and goals. I didn’t know how to balance myself. I couldn’t handle my emotions. I didn’t love myself enough to be able to love the other person.
With that lack of understanding your feeling you will not be able to control the outcome and history and habits will repeat itself.
So I no longer ask god why I was punished. Why such an innocent person like me with such a giving soul and heart was punished? Why did god take away my happiness and light?
I would have to look at it as god was freeing me. God was setting me free to give me clarity of my flaws and to be more understanding to the world more than ever before.
God was letting me know I must LOVE thy self. Love myself like I never loved anyone before.
So when a new love comes the best gift I can ever give that person is my confidence in me and my abilities. That won’t come until I accepted myself and Love thy self.
In the end to heal from a broken heart and move on you need to do these steps.
They are not in order.
There is no deadline on how long It takes a person to heal.
The main priority is you know you need to heal and you are making an effort.
1: stop pointing fingers
2: do whatever it is you need to do to find answers to your questions
3: DO NOT CONTACT YOU EX WHILE HEALING. REPEAT DO NOT!
4: express yourself. Through a blog or painting, cooking, singing
5: do exciting hobbies
6: help others who are suffering. You will learn to realize that there are people out there that have it worse than you.
7: reflect. What did you do and didn’t do?
8: love yourself. Inside and out.
9: stop wearing that mask of yours and for once JUST ASK FOR HELP
10: TALK to someone go on blogs and forums.
11: talk to a friend who came back from a broken heart=)
12: write down who you are as a person and the things that you enjoy excluding your ex lover.
Friday, May 14, 2010
THE chains unlocked
Like I stated from previous Posts.
I Apologized and made more effort.
IT takes time so don't rush things.
BE honest with yourself with the capacity that you can take.
Don't set your self up on disappointment.
I feel refreshed and abundance in love and energy.
My DELIGHT FOR YOU today was that I found 2... yes 2!! four leafed clovers.
I handed one over to my good friend Mike. told him to buy a lottery!
I kept one for myself.
I didn't make any wishes yet.. and if i do. I don't plan on telling you =)
I'm just soaking in the energy of luck and joy.
I had a simple day today.
I enjoyed each and every moment.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication." + happiness =)
- Leonardo da Vinci
I Apologized and made more effort.
IT takes time so don't rush things.
BE honest with yourself with the capacity that you can take.
Don't set your self up on disappointment.
I feel refreshed and abundance in love and energy.
My DELIGHT FOR YOU today was that I found 2... yes 2!! four leafed clovers.
I handed one over to my good friend Mike. told him to buy a lottery!
I kept one for myself.
I didn't make any wishes yet.. and if i do. I don't plan on telling you =)
I'm just soaking in the energy of luck and joy.
I had a simple day today.
I enjoyed each and every moment.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication." + happiness =)
- Leonardo da Vinci
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
JUST SAY SORRY.
Are you one of those people who just give up after a disappointment in yourself.
Did you see yourself as a failure and just wanted to start fresh with your problems and not face them because it's just easier by doing so?
Let me tell you something my friend.
I'm just like you.
You see I have a tendency for building bridges with people in FAST TORPEDO speed. Then for some reason I BURN them right away.
My fear of how to explain that i BAILED out on their birthday.
My fear of how they would react.
More Fear of how I failed as a friend.
Fear fear fear. Disappointment Disappointments. SHUT UP!
Here's my EXPERIENCE.
BE honest to yourself and to the people around you.
Ask for forgiveness for your flaws
I Have LEARNED it takes SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much more energy to be disappointed in yourself and your actions that was not taken.
IF you can't make it to an event offer an apology and state that you will make it up to them.
NEVER SAY YOU'LL GO knowing you will bail out. If you said you go with every intention on GO and something comes in your way. BE HONEST with the host!
You see I'm a PROFESSIONAL in DWELLING in self PITY and DESPAIR. I find every reason I can to not attend a party. Simply it's my mood. Pathetic I know.
ALSO! are you the person that ignores phone calls and text messages on PURPOSE?
I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
If So again. YOU are hiding from FEAR. Something is holding you back and you don't want to face it.
NOW be honest with yourself.
Find the root cause as to why you are avoiding this person. Write to them or call them and maybe it's an apology to yourself and that person.
IT TAKES TOO MUCH ENERGY FOR REGRET. I K NOW because I have lost a lot of friends and relationships of my self pity.
I could say it was because of depression i was suffering. I was in fear. It was anxiety.
I learned that my MIND and brain is SUCH A strong tool. I just have to tweak it and train good habits and thoughts. TO be honest I still feel anxiety.
HOW EVER... WHAT DO I HAVE TO LOSE??
SO after this Post I decided to write. contact a few friends who deserve this honest truth from me =)
I shall update you LATER on this progress.
The light I FOUND today is.
I have wonderful friends that walked into my life. I should never give up on myself and on them.
Love them and love yourself
The UNSTOPPABLE HappYENNE =)
Did you see yourself as a failure and just wanted to start fresh with your problems and not face them because it's just easier by doing so?
Let me tell you something my friend.
I'm just like you.
You see I have a tendency for building bridges with people in FAST TORPEDO speed. Then for some reason I BURN them right away.
My fear of how to explain that i BAILED out on their birthday.
My fear of how they would react.
More Fear of how I failed as a friend.
Fear fear fear. Disappointment Disappointments. SHUT UP!
Here's my EXPERIENCE.
BE honest to yourself and to the people around you.
Ask for forgiveness for your flaws
I Have LEARNED it takes SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much more energy to be disappointed in yourself and your actions that was not taken.
IF you can't make it to an event offer an apology and state that you will make it up to them.
NEVER SAY YOU'LL GO knowing you will bail out. If you said you go with every intention on GO and something comes in your way. BE HONEST with the host!
You see I'm a PROFESSIONAL in DWELLING in self PITY and DESPAIR. I find every reason I can to not attend a party. Simply it's my mood. Pathetic I know.
ALSO! are you the person that ignores phone calls and text messages on PURPOSE?
I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
If So again. YOU are hiding from FEAR. Something is holding you back and you don't want to face it.
NOW be honest with yourself.
Find the root cause as to why you are avoiding this person. Write to them or call them and maybe it's an apology to yourself and that person.
IT TAKES TOO MUCH ENERGY FOR REGRET. I K NOW because I have lost a lot of friends and relationships of my self pity.
I could say it was because of depression i was suffering. I was in fear. It was anxiety.
I learned that my MIND and brain is SUCH A strong tool. I just have to tweak it and train good habits and thoughts. TO be honest I still feel anxiety.
HOW EVER... WHAT DO I HAVE TO LOSE??
SO after this Post I decided to write. contact a few friends who deserve this honest truth from me =)
I shall update you LATER on this progress.
The light I FOUND today is.
I have wonderful friends that walked into my life. I should never give up on myself and on them.
Love them and love yourself
The UNSTOPPABLE HappYENNE =)
POST IT! =D
JUST POST IT. You have NO idea how much Post-its helped in bringing the LIGHT to me today.
When talking to yourself in positive ways didn't help. Grab a post-it or some PAPER and Tape, then write YOU ARE UNSTOPPABLE! just writing that brought some FIERCE energy into my blood.
Then it got addictive and I started writing more and more to myself.
As unorganized I am. These Post-its gave me a sense of hope. False vision seemed to no longer be false and seemed to be tangible and realistic.
For example, I wrote YOU ARE AN ORGANIZE MACHINE! when in fact I am THE OPPOSITE~
IT made me feel good so i didn't care.
For those who are unorganized or need to get back on track in life. Just do this.
Write down your goals and tasks.
Put them in order from most important to least important. STICK all those post-its on your mirror. YOU CANNOT REMOVE them until the task is done or goal is completed. You are reminded each day and night.
So the light I found today was me being able to enlighten myself with POST-ITS. Making dreams becoming reality one post at a time =)
QUOTE OF THE DAY FROM ME TO YOU! ( or to myself)
" THERE ARE NO SUCH THING AS FAILURE. THERE ARE ONLY LESSONS. YOU ONLY FAIL IF YOU DID NOT LEARN and APPLY THOSE LESSONS."
Your's TRULY
THE UNSTOPPABLE HappYenne!
When talking to yourself in positive ways didn't help. Grab a post-it or some PAPER and Tape, then write YOU ARE UNSTOPPABLE! just writing that brought some FIERCE energy into my blood.
Then it got addictive and I started writing more and more to myself.
As unorganized I am. These Post-its gave me a sense of hope. False vision seemed to no longer be false and seemed to be tangible and realistic.
For example, I wrote YOU ARE AN ORGANIZE MACHINE! when in fact I am THE OPPOSITE~
IT made me feel good so i didn't care.
For those who are unorganized or need to get back on track in life. Just do this.
Write down your goals and tasks.
Put them in order from most important to least important. STICK all those post-its on your mirror. YOU CANNOT REMOVE them until the task is done or goal is completed. You are reminded each day and night.
So the light I found today was me being able to enlighten myself with POST-ITS. Making dreams becoming reality one post at a time =)
QUOTE OF THE DAY FROM ME TO YOU! ( or to myself)
" THERE ARE NO SUCH THING AS FAILURE. THERE ARE ONLY LESSONS. YOU ONLY FAIL IF YOU DID NOT LEARN and APPLY THOSE LESSONS."
Your's TRULY
THE UNSTOPPABLE HappYenne!
JUST SHUT UP BRAIN =)
I actually created a few posts before this one; however learned to realize that by writing NEGATIVE Depressing topics of one's own life and misfortunes simply just made me dig a grave for myself.
SO I realized In order for me to appreciate life I must Appreciate LIFE! how simple is that?
I thought it would simple myself.
After a month of creating a self absorbing black hole I pulled myself out.
Here's a Little BIO about me.
I am a dreamer and a fish ( Pisces).
10 months ago my life shattered. The love of my life which was my first love of 8 years left me.
It took me months of staying up late reading stories on my tarnished bed of heartbreak stories that were WORSE than mine. You can imagine how that looked like. Just imagine a room after a big argument with yourself and left untidy and clean for weeks. YES TISSUES TISSUES and MORE TISSUES!
Like most people I dwell and hid in the bottomless sea of darkness.
I'm an eccentric person ( I would like to believe so)
I hate arguments
I am the middle child
2 brothers
A bipolar mother ( I just assume she is bipolar for now)
A hard ass military drill Sergeant father ( he really isn't one but acts somewhat like one)
This Blog started out as a RANT of my misfortunes. Lets just say that made matters worse.
So I decided to POST EVERYDAY SOMETHING I am GRATEFUL FOR.
If I was to share something with you today on this post I would have to say.
" LIVE YOUR LIFE BEING GRATEFUL AND HUMBLE FOR WHAT YOU HAVE. IF YOU LIVE LIFE WITH WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE.. THEN YOU ARE NOT LIVING LIVE. BY DOING SO YOU ARE SIMPLY RICHER IN THE HEART, SOUL, AND MIND"
SO I hope that has shed some light in you.
IF anyone is even reading this.
I will post each night of any light I caught during my daily LIFE OF GRATEFULNESS.
ALSO WHEN YOUR BRIAN IS NEGATIVE. TELL IT TO SHUT UP! IT has done no good before and it'll continue to do no good again =)
Yours truly,
The UNSTOPPABLE Happyenne
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