Repair the Broken Heart

It’s been 10 months since my heart was broken and shattered into the pieces I thought could never glue back together.
Time truly heals everything but I will be honest. A person must go through the grieving, the pain, the suffering, and the sorrow. A person MUST go through all of that in order to heal.

I won’t go over the history and details of my relationship as I respect that individual’s life and privacy. All I can say was it was a great relationship and a loving one. The down fall was we were young lovers.

I know there are some of you out there are still gluing the pieces together whether alone or with a new lover. It is not easy.
You may think it is unfair for the new person who has walked into your life. I would have to say BE HONEST with this person. However YOU DO NOT HAVE to tell them every single past detail of your past love. Let them know constantly how grateful you are to have this person walk into your life and always... ALWAYS! Give thanks to their effort on healing your broken heart.

I walked into the relationship at a very young age. I was innocent and pure. I had no male friends after entering this relationship. I tried to be as faithful as possible. You could say I would be a great wife. However I was constantly growing and changing. My dreams and vision changed. I wanted individuality and an identity.

I was brought up in a traditional asian family. The females in these types of family were to be the supporter. The females were the house wives that lacked personality and colour. I didn’t want that. I feared of ending up like my mother. I indeed would have been a great house wife. I cooked, I cleaned, I sang.

I was trained at a very young age to be a good housewife. I didn’t really get to build my own character. I was not allowed to speak my mind and thoughts. I was to be lady like and be QUIET.

In my previous relationship I was a feminist because I wanted to do whatever I could to not end up like my mother. I tried not to be but I wanted to be this strong individual that wanted to conquer all. I had this stubborn vision and image of myself that I am strong and NOTHING can stop me and my path. I would win it all with success and my love next to me. I was blinded.
I thought I was the best partner a person could have.
It took me many nights searching for answers. SO if I had to give thanks to this healing process I would say thank god for Helium, Google and the new love that walked in. I typed in key words such as “healing from broken hearts”. I read and read. I searched and searched. I was constantly looking for answers and HOPE.
After all that investigation I came to an understanding. I came to an understanding that heartbreak is part of life. I understood why things happened and that there is no one to blame.
While I was trying to sustain a relationship financially, I was not giving any input emotionally.
There was no balance in my life; however I don’t blame anyone. This is a process I must take to grow and adapt.
Many of us who suffer a heart break will only think emotionally. How can we ever see clearly and think clearly when our vision and feelings is covered with a blanket of clouds?
YOU can’t! Love is a drug and we are addicts. So until we sober up we can then think logically and rationally.

When you first put the blame on a person due to infidelity or lost of love. We tend to first put the blame on the ex lover. We point out their flaws. We point out the things they did wrong. All we do was point because that was all we know and that was all that made sense.

In order for one to live happily you must be able to forgive. You do not have to forget, but you must forgive.
You must ask yourself. How did this happen? What did I do or what I didn’t do?

I didn’t value myself. I didn’t value my dreams and goals. I didn’t know how to balance myself. I couldn’t handle my emotions. I didn’t love myself enough to be able to love the other person.
With that lack of understanding your feeling you will not be able to control the outcome and history and habits will repeat itself.

So I no longer ask god why I was punished. Why such an innocent person like me with such a giving soul and heart was punished? Why did god take away my happiness and light?

I would have to look at it as god was freeing me. God was setting me free to give me clarity of my flaws and to be more understanding to the world more than ever before.

God was letting me know I must LOVE thy self. Love myself like I never loved anyone before.

So when a new love comes the best gift I can ever give that person is my confidence in me and my abilities. That won’t come until I accepted myself and Love thy self.

In the end to heal from a broken heart and move on you need to do these steps.
They are not in order.
There is no deadline on how long It takes a person to heal.
The main priority is you know you need to heal and you are making an effort.
1: stop pointing fingers
2: do whatever it is you need to do to find answers to your questions
3: DO NOT CONTACT YOU EX WHILE HEALING. REPEAT DO NOT!
4: express yourself. Through a blog or painting, cooking, singing
5: do exciting hobbies
6: help others who are suffering. You will learn to realize that there are people out there that have it worse than you.
7: reflect. What did you do and didn’t do?
8: love yourself. Inside and out.
9: stop wearing that mask of yours and for once JUST ASK FOR HELP
10: TALK to someone go on blogs and forums.
11: talk to a friend who came back from a broken heart=)
12: write down who you are as a person and the things that you enjoy excluding your ex lover.